Friday, May 23, 2014

Marriage, Perfect Match and Affair





          People say matches are made in heaven… Is it so? Then why do some people feel miserable in their relations? Why do people have affairs? Why do married couples go for divorce due to lack of compatibility? Why do some say I will never marry again in my life or never again will I marry the same person?

          There has always been a debate which option is good: Love marriage or arranged marriage. Both have their own advantages and disadvantages.

          First let’s deal with arranged marriage. In arranged marriage, it's not bonding of two people but of two families. They search for ideal match. Then their horoscopes are matched. If they match perfectly then only they go ahead or else they search for another match. They check the background of each other’s families, the boy’s and girl’s character etc etc… they consult their family deities, astrologers for a perfect date and time to get married and after so much of consulting and spending lakhs and crores of money they get married. 

          Initially everyone hits the roadblock… every relation does… some try to solve it, some choose to ignore it, some choose to fight it. Not every marriage has a happy ending.

          Next let’s deal with love marriage. Two people meet, get to know each other, start liking each other, fall in love and decide to get married. There too they hit blocks in terms of family rejection and pressure etc. If all goes well they go ahead and get married, if no, they try to convince, plead, cry, fight and even if they don’t agree some go ahead and get married inspite of family opposition. Initially they too face teething problems. But then, some make their marriage work and some fall apart.

          Some might think why I chose this topic to write. Well, since a couple of days newspapers are bringing out news about celebrity couples who are heading for divorce. Some of them were in relationships since childhood (childhood sweethearts or romance as the tabloid says), some married since few to couple of years…

          When people fall in love they think they have found the perfect match for themselves. They get together. But after a few years why do they feel they are not made for each other? People who say they can't live without each other, why they can't live with each other after some matter of time?Why do people who loved each other say, this life time is enough, never meet me in another life?

          I don’t say all marriages end up in this manner… but now-a-days whoever I have been meeting, are facing some or other issues… ya ya you’ll say I am definitely meeting all kind of wrong people… But frankly ask yourself “Am I happy in my Marriage?” What’s the use of so much of match making, horoscopes, astrologers and auspicious time and all the crap? What’s the use of spending lakhs of rupees on a wedding which sometimes doesn’t last long?

          So much of money is spent, so much of time and energy is wasted, result, the couple after few years say they are not compatible and choose to go on separate ways.

          Not all marriages end in this manner. I have also seen many marriages last for a lifetime. There are many couples who inspite of severe highs and lows of martial life have stayed together and made their marriage work. But they never let outside world know about their dispute.


          And when these people who are already fed up of their lives, do manage to find love outside, they are termed as extra martial affair and these people are cursed, abused, called as house breakers…
         

          Marriage doesn’t mean sacrifice or adjustment of any one person. Both need to keep aside their egos and adjust. No one is born perfect.

          Not all choose to get separate or walk out of a marriage. Some stay because of society, some due to kids and family, some due to financial dependency and some, who think it's their fate (Indian culture). If anyone tries to make a move then, there is mud flinging, calling of names, bitching and God knows what all… but why can't anyone understand if a couple is miserable and they want to move ahead why can't they do so on good terms? It's their life… why do they have to be miserable for their whole life. Why do they have to set bad examples for their kids by fighting in front of them and being miserable?

          Initially when a couple hits a rough patch, elders say “Have a baby, everything will settle down”. Bringing a baby doesn’t always solve the problem, it sometimes aggravates it.

      

    People treat marriage like a cycle. As soon as kids come to age, people ask “Searching for match?”, “Still not found a match for your son/daughter?”, “When is the wedding?”…

          After one year of wedding, they ask “When are you giving us good news?”, “When is the baby due?” Again after 2-3 years “When is elder one getting a sibling?”… Then peace, till these kids grow up then again the cycle continues…

          People treat marriage as a means to just carry their lineage forward. Sometimes before the girl realizes anything, she is married off to a stranger and told to bear his kids and carry on whole responsibility of the household.

          Somewhere had read this true quote “Whole life we are told not to talk to strangers, but after marriage we are told to sleep with one…”

          In present times, where life is short and unpredictable, let’s enjoy life with people we love, we care for. Once married, leave the couple alone, don’t pressurize them with when to have kids, how to behave with each other, etc… they are grownups that’s why you got them married, then why not leave them alone to lead their life. Why keep dominating them, manipulating them? You lived your life, let them live theirs. Don’t treat marriage as a means to bring in kids; it's a lifetime decision for two people to spend life together.

          I know, many of them who will read this many not agree with it, but this is my point of view. Not every marriage is perfect. Take for example Hrithik and Suzzanne Roshan. Everybody said they are perfect couple. And now see, they are separated. Couples don’t wash their dirty linen in public. But then it doesn’t mean that they are perfect, not-fighting-having-no-trouble couple.

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18 comments:

  1. Appreciate ur writeup.. Marriage is having faith and respecting the flaws in each other. Please visit my page 'Soulful' on my personal experience Just another couple

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    1. Thank u Roohi...loved ur blog too...:)

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  2. Nice read. U hv covered right from love to arranged marriages, societal pressures ,marriage complacency,etc. U normally find blogs/articles ending into another see-how-happy-my -marriage - is, but U hv kept it very generic and to d point

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  3. love marriage or arranged marriage ..when you feel everyday is your anniversary ..then you feel evergreen in your relationship...instead of counting number of days spend together

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  4. Reality check !! , life is not a fairly tale , arranged marriage or luv marriage , we are 2 different personalities . Both marriage have the advantage and disadvantage . The marriage sustains on how much you are willing to give urself up for each other . Luv marriage is ur choice , u make it or break it's ur decision , but when it's arranged marriage is more expensive of oneself as you compramise for other peoples wish and when it fails u r no where , indian culture just says it's your fate , we did all that possible which is not true , since everything is seen on grounds of education , money , family and status , compatibility on paper .

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  5. In old times we atleast knew this is what a women's life style is , but today everything looks modern , sophisticated and socialised society , but from within we r even backwards inside the 4 walls . My motto , set ur rules , do what u can .. And don't let anyone play with ur emotions , it's ok to cry but not as ur weakness but use it as ur strength ..

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    1. Priya, so true, but many dont understand this n take others for granted.

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  6. Nice write up funny I too recently attempted to write regarding a similar topic dattaghosh.blogspot.in do check it.

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    1. Thank u...read ur blog n loved ur writing..so simple...:)

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  7. I'm Canadian. I married my best friend and we've worked at being married for more than 26 years. Through good times (and some very bad) we never stopped working together. My point is that it was work. BTW? LOVE your BLOG :) ~ Rhondi

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  8. Some good and valid points here.
    The two main reasons that I have observed for the cause of a fractured marriage is:
    a) the boy and the girl not knowing each other well before tying the knot
    b) parental interference after marriage.

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  9. Good post. Points are good enough to be considered. To check your compatibility you can visit marriage compatibility test for improving your relationship.

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